I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
