I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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