I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I need help removing her.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
