told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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