I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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