He asked to "fluff my boner.."
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
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Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
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Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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