Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
