Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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