I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
