there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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