So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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