Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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