I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
