I wanna passion pit in your ass
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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