You smell like stripper and shame
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
