He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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