I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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