I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
