is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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