Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
