The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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