I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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