HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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