I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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