I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
