With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
