Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
