the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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