Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
