I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
