Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
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