I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
