That's intense
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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