hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
