scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
