The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
