Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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