stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
