ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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