Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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