after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
