There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
