I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
