My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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