I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
