I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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