wrigley field is MILF paradise
Four minutes until I can fart!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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