I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
