"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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