While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
