U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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