Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
