Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
