I wish I could punch you in the face.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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