You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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