my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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