Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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