I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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