I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
