Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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