It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
