Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
