allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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