beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
