please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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