when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
