he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
