well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
