No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
