why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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