he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
