you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
