You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
