im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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