she was so not down for the gang bang
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
