I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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