Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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