I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
