Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
