you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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