I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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