Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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