lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
