So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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