OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
