I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
