I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Text me some of your sweat
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
