So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
