If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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